Say it!
by TheKats
Summary: On his wedding day, they happen to be in the same room before the ceremony. "Say it Blair. At least one of us won't be a coward"-
1. Chapter 1

_**So, everything is pretty much the same, except I decided to give myself the freedom to make the Bass family childless (because I don't like to involve a kid in this messy thing). So here it is…**_

…..

Almost five years later, Serena is the one who practically forces him to pop the question. And he does. What else is a logical step after that long déjà vu they have? Four long years he tries to get over Blair Waldorf. Four long years Serena tries to prove him that they are meant to be. At times she succeeds, but then something new occupies her attention and although they are in this weird alliance, he's alone. She drags him to parties with people he doesn't know, they talk and drink and congratulate him on his books and… He knows he hates all of it. He knows he is trying to trick his mind, because being alone in these circumstances would be dangerous. He knows that breaking up with Serena would mean only one thing – being away from Blair, and although he knows it, he's afraid to admit it to himself. After all, it's good to have someone, even thought that someone made you feel miserable and lame more than once, even though that someone does not share your taste in anything and simply looks at you blankly when you start talking about a movie you like.

…

Everyone seems too exited, too happy and they can't stop asking questions about the proposal, about the wedding, Serena's wedding dress…everything. He is there, but it all seems like a dream. Not a nightmare, but yet, he kind of waits to be woken up.

…

Blair Bass runs Waldorf Design. And that's it.

If you think she has it all you might be wrong. Yes, she married her high school sweetheart and people say that the UES doesn't remember a couple that was so much in love, so young yet so successful. But of course, all of them know that when something is too good to be true (especially on the UES) won't last for too long.

She goes to work, and still is the little evil dictator of taste, except now she sets rules for the world fashion and makes money for yelling at people. Chuck is rarely at home, and when Dorota asks her when she plans to have a baby, she barks at her that she didn't get married just to reproduce. After Dorota leaves in silence, she closes the door from her office and starts crying. Nobody knows that Blair Waldorf, scratch that, Bass is trapped in a marriage that was set in the worst possible circumstances. The first year was fine, not great, not good, but fine. Neither of them speaks about Bart's death, but it flies above their heads and it's really better when they are in separate rooms, otherwise… it'll kill them to open the cards about the loveless marriage and the blood on their hands. She even had a paranoid episode and she was almost ready to go to the police. Jack tells her that if Chuck goes down, she goes down with him.

…

When Serena tells her that Dan proposed (she skips the part where she practically led him to do that) Blair looks at her with absolutely no expression on her face. When she asks her if she is happy for her, Blair says no.

"You are going to marry a stalker?" – Blair says like she is an old and annoying mother. – "Please, don't repeat the story that we were all Gossip Girl and that he ran it for just some time, because I'm gonna vomit. It's not a love letter!"

"B, how can you say that? We were all dumb kids, and it's all in the past" – Blair rolls her eyes, thinking that Serena will always be a dumb kid.

"He trashed you not only online, but in a book too. I would be pretty insulted, and for sure I would never trust him if I were you. I mean, that guy…" – She stops.

"Was in love with you…" – Serena finishes for her with a smile. – "It's in the past too, and for what I know, it was to get over me and…Blair, I forgave both of you, I mean it was a brief affair and we are all grown ups now".

Blair doesn't say a word and her cool exterior does not betray the fire and the anger that are boiling inside of her. With that the conversation is over and she starts being a hypocrite again, hugging her friend and being supportive. When she asks her to be her maid of honor she has to say yes.

…

The wedding day finally arrives. The town house is decorated with flowers, the catering is done, and Blair and Dorota arrive first to help the bride. Blair gives her best not to say another bad word about the hideous thing Serena picks to be her wedding dress.

"You're beautiful" – She hugs her.

"I feel beautiful"- Serena smiles. – "It's better like this. I mean, having a small wedding." – Blair feels that if Serena mentions that conversation again she will develop a disgusting rash or might even jump out of the window. But Serena continues. – "I mean, I have always dreamed to have a big wedding with many guests and a band" – Blair feels like slapping her when she says "a band". – "You know what, I'm fine. I'd rather say "I do" in front of my family, instead in front of strangers who would bet how long the marriage would last" – She smiles, but Blair can tell that she will end up just like Lily.

The guests are arriving and as much as Blair wants to stay with Serena, her phone goes crazy.

"I told you, not today!" – She barks at the person who speaks on the other side. – "I'm on a wedding. Yes, Serena's, my best friend's wedding. So, not today!" – She hears steps getting closer to her, but she doesn't lose her focus on the conversation. – "Why, why can't you be competent for once?" – She hisses. – "Call me in half an hour - forty-five minutes once this is over!" – She hangs up and when she turns around, Dan stands before her, in his gray suit, his hair combed back and a face that does not say that he's happy on his wedding day.

"Humphrey!" - She can try to sound harsh or official, but the way she pronounces his name will always cause them both warmth in their guts. - "I should not lecture you on your wedding day, but it's rude to over hear other people's conversations." – She forces a smile.

"You work a lot." – He simply says.

"Yes, some of us grownups do that"

"How are you?" –He asks. It's not that they aren't in touch, but put all together in the past five years, they shared like ten words. She was avoiding him as much as she could and truth to be told Serena didn't make any effort to take Dan near Blair.

"Good. Are you excited?" – She tries to make a small talk.

"Yeah..." – It's so obvious he lies she almost laughs.

"Ok then" – She steps aside. – "I'm gonna go and take my spot." – She doesn't like the way he looks at her. A groom should not look at his bride's best friend the way he looks at her. – "Fix your bow tie, by the way" – Right before she walks out of the room he says:

"Can you do that for me, I really don't know how." –She stops, raises her brow and looks at him with pity.

"I can't believe she is marrying a guy who doesn't know how to tie a bow tie. This is a disaster" – She comes closer to him on a decent distant and unties the bow tie that was pretty lamely tied. – "I can tell you did it yourself" – She doesn't dare to look up at him and she can tell he stares so intensively at her face it makes her hands shake.

"Go ahead Blair" – He says with low voice. She keeps trying to untie the knot pretending as if she didn't hear him, or even understood what he says. – "Tell me not to and I'm not gonna do it!" – He says. Now her hands are shaking visibly but she still doesn't give up on the damn knot. When she finally unties it, she keeps her hands inches away from his chest, trying to focus on what she is actually supposed to do. – "Tell me not to and I'm not gonna marry her!" – Her fingers are flying nervously in lame tries to tie the tie. – "Just say it and I'm out of here" – He repeats with low tone and she feels he's leaning.

"I…" – She clears her throat still tying lamely his bow tie. – "Don't know why should I say anything?"

"You know why!" - If she only dares to look up into his eyes…

"Since when my words are relevant?" – She sounds so terribly quiet she hates herself.

"Say it Blair. At least one of us won't be a coward"- She stops and finally looks at him.

"What?" – She asks.

"If you didn't laugh in my face five years ago bragging with that ring your finger, or even if I had enough time to understand what you were actually doing there…on our spot…or if I actually had any voice to say anything, I'd have try to…" – Blair laughs cynically, but they both know it's too forced up to be real.

"As I heard what was happening between us was a brief affair" – She emphasizes the last words. – "...so you could have get over your now wife to be.

"You married Chuck Bass in the MET!" – He raises his tone and she shuts up.

"It's fixed now" – She taps the bow tie with her fingers and steps back.

"Is it really, Blair?" – Dan asks and she bites her cheeks harder than she meant to.

"I won't say that!" – She says a bit mortified from her feelings and the way he looks at her.

"You don't have to say anything..." – The way he stares directly into her eyes so fearless, it makes her feel so small.

"Life doesn't always go by the plan, Humphrey" – That's all she says before he phone rings.

Getting out of the room, pretending that everything is all right, gluing her fake smile so she can be the happy best friend makes her feel like vomiting, but she promises to do it after the wedding.

….

Rufus doesn't speak to him anymore. Jenny flies back to London mumbling things that she spent money on a plain ticket for nothing.

Life goes back to normal, except the fact that New York has a new gossip topic. Serena van der Woodsen failed to become a Brooklynite's wife. Stories are so well build up – some say he was gay, some say she dumped him for some older millionaire from California, but almost everyone mention Blair Bass as the main reason. But people don't really know the real reason how the whole thing went.

The night after the wedding that didn't happen Blair takes a shower and gets ready to go to bed. Chuck is already asleep. As she massages the cream on her hands her phone vibrates. A text message.

"_**I just want to know if you actually read the whole book, not just the parts that "never happened"?**_

She sneaks out of bed and goes to the living room so she can calm herself down and think of a proper reply. Her brain screams "do not text back" but her fingers are already flying on the screen.

"_**Мо**__**re than once" **_

She sends it. Fifteen minutes later there is still no reply and she assumes he won't text back. She would call him, but she knows Chuck will hear her, so she decides to go back to bed. Just when she starts falling asleep she gets another text.

"_**Your hands were shaking, it was enough for me. Anyway, it would have never worked." **_

She reads it and doesn't know if she reads a real message or if she hallucinates. She was forcing herself to hate him, she was insulting him in front of Serena for too long, she almost forgot what he had done for her. Within seconds she receives another text.

"_**Whenever you're ready…"**_

….

While the UES talks the newest divorce, Serena actually marries the older millionaire somewhere in Mexico. There are pictures, a beach wedding and she wears something even more nastier – pink long beach dress and flowers in her head.

Blair keeps overworking herself. Being the last one going home becomes a habit. She doesn't have anyone waiting for her, so staying in the office isn't quite a punishment. But that night she feels a bit nostalgic and melancholic. Her driver drops her to the MET steps and she tells him to call the night off.

She just sits there alone, smelling the spring air. Maybe it's too late after everything that happened, but she takes her phone out of her bag and types a text.

"_**I'm at the MET steps."**_

Just before she thinks she made a fool out of herself, a messy haired guy gets out of a cab and sleepily climbs the stairs.

"Do you still keep the plastic tiara?" – She smiles in disbelief.

"Why didn't you say anything on my wedding day?" – She looks at him and than looks away and lets her eye drops on her legs. – "Deep down I wanted to hurt you, because you chose her"- Dan sits next to her, this time too close for his own good.

"You are an evil dictator Blair. I was sleeping, yet I'm enough stupid to just get up and run to where you are" – He kisses the inside of her wrist. She smiles and she turns his face to hers and kisses his lips.

"Shut up Humphrey and follow my lead" - She whispers between kisses and he does shut up.


	2. Chapter 2

He wakes up with a terrible headache alone in his bedroom. His inner egotist is more than thankful because she is not there. It's nice and calming to let his brain wake up slowly without the cliché questions and the high pitched "good mornings".

He drags himself slowly to the kitchen and turns the espresso machine on. While he waits for his coffee, he stares through the window. It's still weird to get used on the new view. He kind of misses the red bricked buildings and a tiny part of Brooklyn Bridge as a steady picture from his old window. The apartment is cold, too much modern furniture and lots of surrealistic paintings that are supposed to make his life of a famous writer more meaningful and his life style more Upper East Side-ish.

While taking a sip from the sugarless coffee his phone rings.

"Wakey - wakey sleepy head" – The terrible feeling in his stomach (and he knows it's pure annoyance) is ten times harder that morning.

"Yeah, I'm awake" – He replies sharp.

"Good, I hope you are ready for whatever surprise Nate and the guys are preparing for you!" – She giggles.

"I told them I don't want a bachelor party." – He mumbles into the cup.

"Oh, don't be ridiculous. You must! I'm having one, Blair arranged something" – She babbles and he chokes on his next sip.

"Ok, gotta take a shower, I have a meeting with Alessandra in an hour" – He lies.

"Today? I should tell her not to torture my fiancé today" – She giggles.

"No, don't do that, after all today is just an ordinary day" – God he hates that he has to lead this shallow conversation.

"Ok, since we can't see each other today, I'm gonna call you later. Mwah" – She mimics a kiss and hangs up.

He tosses the phone on the arm chair and sits on the balcony with his cup of coffee smelling the spring air.

"This is wrong on so many levels" – He says out loud. A week ago he was sure he was just panicking and that it was normal to feel that way. Three days ago he woke up in the middle of the night with a terrible rash on his neck and had to go to the emergency because he felt he was choking and couldn't stop scratching himself. They said it was a stress reaction. Two days ago he was trying to calm himself down convincing himself that this is just a normal reaction for the future groom to be. A day ago he was about to vomit when he remembered her saying:

"All of them are settled down, it's our time too. All my friends are asking if you are ever going to pop the questions. I mean I don't need a fairy tale Dan, I just want us to have a nice wedding with our closest people and I want it in spring, and I kind of saw this dress…" – Her speech was long, emotional, and should have caused some reaction in him, but he stopped listening to her and drifted away thinking how Blair looked alienated from everyone on the party they attended just few days before. When she asked him what he thought of that he just nodded and said "We should do it. We should get married".

Didn't that woman notice how cold and uninterested his voice sounded.

"Do you want us to have vows?" – She chuckled when she was picking a ring with him. And in that moment he knew it will never happen. Still he got her the ring, kneeled before her when they arrived home and without drama asked her simply: "Serena, will you marry me"? It was the most terrible proposal he thinks, but she was happy.

Today his head is stabbing him as a sign to call the whole thing off. He doesn't know how or when but he knows that he is going to do that.

…

After the shower he sits in the living room, as if he waits for the time to pass. He can swear he doesn't have a single thought, just a big black hole in his head.

No, this isn't about Blair. All chances died the day she got married on, god he will vomit, their place. This is about him. He doesn't love her. He…doesn't love anyone. Not that he needs his single life now. He just needs to be alone like he always was.

The phone rings and it's Nate, giggling and laughing and being excited about the bachelor party. He rambles about a great strip club where he already made reservations and Dan feels like shooting himself in the head, because he doesn't feel like going. It's like his funeral, except he's alive and he has to participate in this charade.

…

Before ten, Nate comes to pick him up and he and few guys he knows that are buddies with Nate, are already waiting in the club.

"Dude, relax, this is your last time seeing other women's boobs like this." – Nate squeezes his shoulders as the semi naked waitress puts whiskey in front of them. The music is too loud and the girls are trying too much and the other guys are talking non sense and when Nate is arranging him a lap dance, his phone rings and it's the first time actually Serena saves him. He excuses himself and goes out to talk to her.

"Are they hot?" – She giggles and he can hear music and loud women voices, most definitely drunken.

"Who?" – He asks.

"Aww, I know where you are. We have a nice handsome dancer here, too. He thought Blair was the bride, he picked her up in his arms as she was screaming and insulting him." – Serena shouts and giggles.

"Mhm" – He replies, already visioning Blair pouting and hating the poor stripper's existence.

"I'm so happy. I'm so happy Dan. I can't wait for tomorrow." – Suddenly she is in a quieter place. – "Are you?" – She asks.

"What?"

"Excited?" – She continues. – "You seem distant a bit today…or this week…"

"I'm fine, just a little tired."

"Ok, have fun then, see you tomorrow. And don't do anything reckless. Love you" – Ha hates himself for not saying that he hates the whole thing.

"Serena!" – He says.

"What?"

"We should…"

"We can't see each other before the wedding, you naughty mister!" – She giggles. He stands there like an idiot thinking that this is a great script for a terrible comedy.

…

"I have to go" – He says to Nate who has a semi naked girl rubbing herself from his lap.

"Aha" – Nate says like a teenager not even paying attention to him. The other guys are putting money in the thongs of the other girls on the stage.

"I'm out, Nate!" – And then he stands up, letting the girl drop from his lap.

"We just got here, don't tell me Serena makes you leave, it's not like you are cheating on her!"

"No, no. They're having fun also. I'm just…I'm not feeling well and my head is about to explode and I really need to rest"

….

He walks aimlessly down the blocks and then something forces him to turn around and walk straight to _that_ building. He puts his hand into his pocket where he finds his emergency cigarettes (not that he actually smokes) and lights one. Leaning on a three in the pavement opposite the building he just stands there like an idiot waiting for nothing. The window from her room is dark; she doesn't even live here. There is no point at all…

After he smokes at least two cigarettes he's about to leave, when the girls are coming out of the building. Serena and few girls are entering in a cab and shortly after Blair gets out of the building and in the exact same time a black town car parks in front of the door and she gets inside. She seems pale, bored and tired. He puts the cigarette out and goes home.

….

"Life doesn't always go by the plan, Humphrey" – That's all she says before he phone rings. She walks out of the room and he hates her in that moment. He hates her so much. He hoped she'd say something like "don't marry her", "if you aren't happy, run away…" but she doesn't. That's it, he's a coward again, he is about to say "I do" and he is absolutely incapable of saving himself. Again.

Serena steps down the stairs, wearing a huge white-golden dress, a radiant smile on her face, ready to get married. As he takes her hand, his guts are literally burning his stomach and his brain is about to explode. With a glimpse he notices Nate's eyes being glued on Serena, and there isn't a track from the excited and happy boy from the previous night. He seems sad and devastated. The priest starts talking and he and Serena are facing him. No, this isn't happening. "Dearly beloved…." the man starts, and he swears his breathing is too loud, it's almost a gasp.

"I can't"- He says turning towards Serena. She narrows her eyebrows but deep down she knows it was just a matter of time.

"What?" – Rufus asks out loud from the back of the room.

"I can't" – He repeats, his voice a bit shakier.

"Are you out of your mind?" – Rufus asks.

"Why?" – Serena mumbles.

Suddenly the small crowd is getting loud. The priest is standing before them confused and Dan just repeats over and over so Serena can only hear him "I can't, I'm sorry, I really can't do this."

"I can't believe this" – He catches Blair's voice from the background as Rufus comes to him and grabs his hand, trying to make him reasonable. He can see his father's mouth moving, yet he doesn't hear words. People are now yelling, Serena is crying already, running upstairs, throwing the bouquet violently and Eric and Jenny are just sitting quietly on their places, probably questioning why they actually came to that circus.

Nate gets up ready to argue with him.

"Take care of this, will you" – He says fast, not letting Nate to speak at all. When he actually goes upstairs, Dan finally remembers to look in the crowd for Blair. She stands up, Chuck in front of her, uninterested in the whole thing. He had seen her like this. Eyes ready to cry, trying her best to control her lips from trembling and a shallow breathing. She puts her hand around Chuck's arm and looks down, as they both passing through the living room to the exit.

"Nice move Humphrey" – Chuck mumbles, maybe sarcastically, maybe he really means it. Blair passes by him still looking in the floor.

"If you had the decency to dump my daughter, at least go upstairs and explain to her and apologize" – Lily snaps practically into his face. – "And I'm sorry for interrupting your inappropriate stare at a married woman!" – Her voice never sounded colder.

Serena's father also yells something at him and he walks upstairs forced to face Serena again. Her eyes are puffy and her make up is completely ruined. Nate looks at him with judgmental eyes, but he doesn't say anything. He leaves the room instead.

"It's better this way, trust me!" – He says. She sobs for few long minutes and then she faces him.

"You will never gonna get her, you understand?"- She says with teary eyes but her voice is unusually calm. – "You can't compete Chuck and she will never love you as much as she loves him. I'm glad you did this and I'm glad because you will end up alone and miserable. Too bad…" – She wipes her nose with a paper towel. – "You skipped a chance to see her every once in a while. Now you will never come even close to her! Get out!" – She hisses and he has no will to stay there any longer, to explain, to apologize or to listen to her anymore.

That night he goes back to Brooklyn and he's more than happy because the loft is empty. He tosses the coat on the couch and finds a forgotten bottle of Whiskey behind the counter. The glass stands before him for too long before he puts it away and goes to his old bedroom. The bed welcomes him after he literally collapses in it. He doesn't know how long he lies there with a face burried in the pillows, but when he turns around the only thing he can spot in the almost emptied library above his head is INSIDE. He takes his phone and types a text:

"_**I just want to know if you actually read the whole book, not just the parts that "never happened"?**_

"Ok, Humphrey…"- He says out loud to himself. – "If she replies anything, even an insult…this wasn't for nothing"- He sighs. And within minutes he gets a reply. His hands are shaking as he reads the text, and he goes in the kitchen and drags a few long sips from the bottle to calm himself down before he can reply.

_**[So this is sort of part two. Say It was meant to be a one shot, so the ending of this story is in the first chapter. This is just Dan's poit of view]**_


End file.
